Emotional stability: a child’s best gift

(Marriage and Parenting Series)

Thought to steer by:

The best gift parents can give their children is emotional stability, which comes from a strong, united bond between them.

Every child deserves emotional stability. No religious setting nor school can give it – only a child’s parents can. Children, just like every other individual, have both tangible and intangible needs, and their intangible needs cannot be met by material substitutes.

While a toy car or doll might be appreciated by a child, nothing gladdens a child’s heart more than seeing his or her parents united in love and on good terms with each other (including being playful with each other). Good camaraderie between parents births a sense of security and provides a strong foundation for the child to develop emotionally.

Point to consider:

A child does not just mature physically, there is also emotional and mental development as well and a strong marriage between parents helps to provide the much needed stability for a child’s emotions to mature, alongside their physical bodies and minds.

A child’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development is similar to building a house and every house needs a foundation before it can be built successfully. When the foundation is faulty or shaky, it affects the entire building. A house is more likely to collapse when it has a faulty foundation or structural defect, and so it is with children who emerge from dysfunctional homes or whose parents are divorced. Growing up in such backgrounds gives the child an unstable emotional foundation which affects other aspects of their lives.

Point to consider:

A rocky relationship between parents ruins the secure foundation children need to develop emotionally. Not only does the rocky relationship ruin the children’s emotional foundation, it contributes to the development of negative behavioural patterns such as fear, anxiety and insecurity as well as stunted emotional growth that spills over into adulthood.*

Some parents assume buying gifts or satisfying their children’s physical needs alone can make up for their shortcomings in satisfying their children’s emotional needs. However parents need to consider that paying for their child’s education is one aspect of their need – giving them attention also contributes to their emotional well-being. Giving your children the gift of a strong and stable marriage relationship with your spouse is a great emotion booster, and also helps to forge a strong sense of identity in children. Parents are not just providers, they are nurturers, image makers and identity custodians for their children.

A child’s sense of identity is first forged and re-enforced by parents, so is the child’s view of love and dealing with the opposite sex. It is from parents these values are first learned and a faulty modelling of these roles leads to a faulty view about love and marriage for children who emerge from such homes.

Point to consider:

There is a tendency for people who emerge from dysfunctional backgrounds to go into relationships looking for what was missing in their families, without realizing they are looking for what they needed in their growing years: emotional stability and support, which a family is well grounded and equipped to give.

Wisdom nugget (for singles):

Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted….Psalm 127:1

See yourself as a builder and custodian of lives in your marriage. Consider the family you are raising to be a house you have been entrusted to build by God for His glory.
Recognize that the house (family) you are called to build needs a strong foundation, which is your marriage, and the quality of your marriage impacts on your children. Therefore commit your marriage to God and ask for His blessings upon your marriage (which includes having a peaceful home).
Ask God to give both you and your spouse the wisdom you need to successfully raise a family, and to keep your marriage from being a source of emotional pain to your children.

*Reading resource: https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/signs-trauma-has-you-stuck