Moving on with life after a breakup (for singles)

Image by Freepik

Relationship breakups are never easy. It is akin to the death of a loved one. Memories of your good times together will flash back from time to time, and it is those memories that will want to make you hold on, without realizing that the circumstances that produced those feel good moments have changed.

So when a breakup occurs, what is the best way to approach the breakup?

1. Grieve: Grieve over the loss of the relationship. Grief is the first step towards healing – acknowledging that a loss has occurred helps one process one’s emotions better and come to terms with the reality of the situation. Denial of one’s loss only delays the healing process.
2. Practice gratitude: Painful as the breakup is, be grateful and appreciative for the good times shared together.
3. Take stock and identify the lessons that need to be learned: Ask yourself what led to the breakup of the relationship. Sometimes the answers are obvious (e.g. a character flaw). Other times the answers are not obvious, which then requires that one takes time to reflect on what went wrong. Reflect on the observations and concerns raised by your partner and assess honestly if those concerns are valid. As you take an inventory of the relationship, also ask yourself – ‘what worked?’ Reflect on what were constant sources of irritation for both of you and think about how those concerns were addressed. Note the point where things began to take a downward turn between both of you.

Point to consider:

No one suddenly leaves a relationship. There are usually pointers or indicators that show up before a breakup occurs. What was your loved one’s most frequent complaint or concern? The purpose of the inventory is to enable one become a better relationship partner in future. Think with the future in mind.

Most times when there is a breakup, people tend to look back retrospectively to see if they can go back to the very same relationship to make things right. In some cases this strategy works, but more often than not, the amendments have to be carried forward into the future and not backwards.

Thought to steer by:

Sometimes , the only way to heal and recover from a loss is to move forward.

(To be continued)