Reflections on marriage:

Revisiting Genesis 2: 24 and understanding its implications for singles, married couples and in-laws (Part 1)

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2: 24

There is the need to revisit this verse (Genesis 2: 24) which explains what marriage involves. This verse reveals that marriage is not a one-off act as one might think but involves a process: there’s a leaving (separation) phase, followed by a joining to another and the act of becoming one. Each one of these phases is a journey, which means they don’t happen overnight. There is usually a time interval involved in each phase. Each one of these phases in examined in detail:

The leaving (separation) phase: Also known as cleaving, this phase is marked by a man leaving his parents (which simultaneously launches his search for his partner.) The act of separation from parents however does not happen overnight – it happens gradually and the process begins right from the teenage phase.

When a child is born, the child is heavily dependent on his/her parents for food and survival. It is from parents that children receive their sense of identity, learn about their environment and make sense of it. It is from parents that a child’s concept about love is also formed. Parents are therefore their children’s first teachers and the primary voices in their children’s lives until the teenage phase.

Point to consider (for parents)

Your child is with you for two reasons: impartation and relationship. Bear in mind that your child will not remain an infant forever, no matter how adorable or sweet that phase of their lives is – at some point your child will begin to mature in thinking, emotions and outlook and begin to shift to semi-autonomy where their peers’ thoughts and views matter more to them than yours.

The teenage phase mimics a later phase of life where a partner’s thoughts and opinions will take precedence over a parent’s perspectives. Rather than fight the process, it is best as a parent to explore ways to adapt and remain relevant in your teenage child’s life.

Points to consider (for parents)

When your child becomes a teenager, acknowledge the transition and move to an advisory role. Encourage your teen to bring their friends home – that gives you the ability to assess your child’s friends and their influence on your teen. During this phase, your teaching role continues but the format changes. Begin to talk about choices and be willing to share life lessons and experiences about your own teenage phase with your child. Your teen will appreciate your openness and honesty.

The cleaving process continues through the teenage phase and becomes very distinct at the point they are going off to college and need to take up their own accommodation – the minute they leave home, the separation process is already in motion. Most times at this stage, the move is irreversible and the likelihood of returning home to live full-time like they did as children is slim, because immediately after graduation, some work opportunities appear that might take them even further from home or involve relocation to another country.

Point to consider (for parents)

As your adult child leaves home to start university or work, recognize that another phase of their lives has been launched simultaneously, which often begins subconsciously – a search for their life partner. Pray about your adult child’s dating and love life right from when they are infants. Ask God to give your children wisdom to make the right choices when it comes to sex, love and marriage.

Wisdom nuggets for singles: Begin praying about your children’s love lives and future spouses even before you get married and have children.

(To be continued)