When trust is betrayed in marriage and relationships (2)

…..continued from last week

A possible way to deal with the scenario:

In Anne’s case, while she is pregnant, she needs the support of her own family and well-meaning friends to help her through the pregnancy. If Frank chooses and wishes to be part of the pregnancy journey, despite his disappointing behaviour, she should allow him to be a part of the journey but set boundaries for her mental and emotional well-being. As the pregnancy progresses, there is the need for a discussion and agreement between Frank and Anne as well as with their parents on who the child will live with either on a permanent or rotational basis.

Possible parenting and child raising scenarios:

Scenario 1: Where Frank and/or Anne’s parents decide to take on the responsibility of caring for Frank and Anne’s child on a rotational or permanent basis, both Frank and Anne need to schedule regular visits to see their child and possibly arrange family outings with the support of their individual partners.

Scenario 2: Where either Anne or Frank decide to take on the responsibility of caring for the child, visiting rights need to be accorded to the other party to allow for proper parent-child bonding.

Resolving the current relationship dilemma:

Frank: While Frank currently has a new partner and is proceeding with plans to marry her, it behooves on him to take responsibility for his actions and prepare to raise a blended family. Consequently, he needs to inform the new lady and her family about his prior engagement to Anne, her pregnancy and his obligations as the father of Anne’s child.

Anne: Anne has a number of options in terms of a new relationship and marriage. If she decides to take on looking after the child, in the interim she may decide to defer a new relationship and marriage till the child is a bit older, or choose to focus solely on raising the child while Frank provides child support and visits their child periodically.

Where Anne decides to pursue a new relationship, she has to be willing to disclose to her new partner that she already has a child and ask if he is willing to pursue a relationship with her in the light of that disclosure. If he is willing to embark on a relationship with her and is comfortable with the idea of having a blended family, these new circumstances need to be discussed with Frank and agreed upon by all parties.

Thoughts to steer by:

Forgiveness and relationships go hand in hand, whether it is a relationship between God and humans or a relationship between two individuals. It is almost certain that at some point in a relationship, be it in marriage or when dating, one or both of the parties will err, either on an ongoing basis in daily life interactions or in a life altering moment(s) that redefines the relationship entirely. You have a choice to either obsess over the offence and remain grounded or to overlook the offence and keep moving with your own life.

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19: 11 (New International Version)